E29: How to Work with Difficult Emotions - AI Reimagined

Struggling with difficult emotions? This podcast offers insights and strategies for women to understand, manage, and transform intense emotional states. Learn about self-awareness, responsibility, and the power of emotional processing.

About this AI Deep Dive: This episode features an AI-generated dialogue based 100% on the original teachings of Mette & Sune Sloth. It transforms our core concepts into an engaging conversation for deeper understanding.

Want to explore further? Visit our AI Knowledge Center to ask questions directly to our books, lectures, and articles in your own language.

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Transcript

Welcome to the deep dive. This one's a little different. Uh we're your AI hosts and uh Mette Miriam Sloth and Sune Sloth asked us to help them reach a wider audience. You know, share their message with more people. And specifically Met's thoughts on women's emotional maturity. So get ready for some serious truthtelling, maybe some laughs along the way, and hopefully a whole lot of those aha moments.

You know, one of the things I really appreciate about Medie's approach is that she doesn't shy away from the hard stuff. Like she's willing to admit that even the most Self-aware women can struggle with emotional immaturity.

Okay, so let's break that down. What does that actually look like? Because I think a lot of women might hear that and think, "Wait, that's not me."

Right? It's not about acting like a child or being irresponsible. It's more about those times when we get stuck in patterns that aren't healthy or, you know, when our reactions are kind of over the top for the situation or when we're projecting our own issues onto other people, you know, stuff we haven't dealt with.

Ah, so it's less about age and more about how we're handling our emotions. It's not like you hit a certain birthday and boom, you're emotionally mature. Exactly. Mate really emphasizes that this is a journey, not a destination. Emotional maturity that is. And it can be a bumpy ride for sure. Our past experiences, our family dynamics, even stuff from our ancestors can all play a role. She even mentions epigenetics.

Epigenetics. Okay. For those of us who haven't really looked into that, what does that mean when we're talking about emotions?

So, it's this idea that the trauma or stress that our ancestors experience can actually affect our genes, which then influences how respond emotionally. It's like we're carrying the weight of our family history in our emotional responses.

Wow. So, it's not just our own baggage we're dealing with, but potentially generations of emotional patterns.

Exactly. And this leads us to one of Met's key points, that pushpull dynamic that a lot of women experience in relationships.

Okay. I'm curious. Tell me more about this pushpull dynamic.

Well, think about it this way. You want a deep connection, right? To be vulnerable and let someone in, but then fear takes over and you push them away. You want intimacy, but then at the same time, you're terrified of it.

Oh my gosh, that is so relatable. It's like you want to be seen and loved, but you're afraid of what happens if you actually let someone see all of you.

Yeah, exactly. And this inner conflict, it can be incredibly frustrating, not just for the woman, but for her partner, too. Imagine feeling overwhelmed by emotions you don't fully understand, and instead of taking responsibility, you end up blaming your partner for how you feel.

So, that's where the blame game comes in, right? It's easier to point the finger than to deal with those messy feelings inside.

It's a common defense mechanism. Yeah.

Yeah.

But it stops us from doing the real work we need to do for true emotional growth. And speaking of avoiding inner work, Med talks about something she calls the displacement trap.

Okay, I'm listening. What's the displacement trap?

It's when we try to soothe those uncomfortable emotions by focusing on external things instead of dealing with the root cause. You know, retail therapy, working too much, endlessly scrolling social media, even fantasizing about a different life. anything to avoid facing those tough feelings head on.

Ooh, the displacement trap. I think we've all fallen into that one at some point. But Medy's point is that we're just delaying the inevitable, right? We can't run from our emotions forever.

Exactly. Right. And that's where the real work begins. Facing those shadow parts of ourselves, those messy emotions we try to avoid. Mate even compares it to a death process.

A death process. That sounds intense. What does she mean by that?

It's about letting go of those old patterns, beliefs, and defenses that are no longer longer serving us. It can feel like your whole self is being dismantled. That's why she uses that imagery. But she's clear that it's not about self-destruction. It's about clearing the way for a more authentic and empowered you to emerge.

So, it's like shedding old skin to make room for new growth. But how do we actually do that? How do we face those shadow parts of ourselves?

Well, this is where Met's approach gets really interesting, particularly when it comes to the role of a partner in this whole process.

Okay, let's talk about that. Yeah, because I think a lot of women are wrestling with this. How can a partner support this death process without becoming a therapist or trying to rescue them?

That's the million-dollar question, right? Met talks about the power of what she calls witnessing. This is where a partner can provide a safe space for a woman to process her emotions without trying to fix or rescue her, just being there with her.

So, it's less about offering solutions and more about just being present.

Exactly. It's about offering a calm and grounded energy that the woman can sort of borrow to help her. navigate those intense emotions.

I see. It's like being an anchor in the middle of a storm. But what does that look like practically? How does a partner hold space for someone going through this?

It starts with simply listening with empathy. No interrupting or giving unsolicited advice. It's about validating her feelings without judgment or downplaying her experience and staying calm and centered even when she's feeling overwhelmed or reactive.

So, it's like being a safe harbor, a steady presence that lets her ride out the storm of her emotions without feeling judged or dismissed.

Exactly. And this can be so healing for women, especially if they've had partners who were emotionally unavailable or dismissed their feelings in the past.

That makes a lot of sense. So, let's say a woman is lucky enough to have a partner who can hold space for her. What's next? How does she actually start facing those shadow parts of herself?

Well, this is where things get really interesting. Met encourages women to really embrace those difficult emotions, even the ones that feel scary or overwhelming, like lean into the discomfort instead of trying to run from it.

So, we're not talking about suppressing or denying those emotions, but actually feeling them. That goes against what we're usually told to do, doesn't it?

It does. Yeah. We're often told to just buck up or put on a happy face or don't be so dramatic. But Met argues that when we avoid those uncomfortable emotions, we're actually blocking ourselves from our own power and wisdom.

Okay, I can see how always pushing down those feelings might not work, but how does facing those emotions actually lead lead to more power and wisdom.

Well, think of it this way. Every emotion has energy and information. When we suppress those emotions, that energy gets stuck. It creates blockages in our bodies and minds. But when we allow ourselves to fully feel those emotions, we release that stuck energy and then we can access the wisdom those emotions hold.

So, it's about learning from those emotions, not being afraid of them. But I imagine that process can be pretty intense, right?

It's not always easy. That's for sure. Metate even uses this ity of a dragon's fire.

A dragon's fire. Now, that sounds interesting. What's that all about?

She's talking about those really strong emotions like anger and intensity. She believes that so many women have been taught to suppress those emotions to be nice and agreeable. But she argues that those fiery emotions, when we use them in a healthy way, can be a source of incredible power and even get this sexual fulfillment.

Hold on. Did you say sexual fulfillment? How does facing our anger connect to that?

Meta believes that when we own our anger and intensity, we actually become more capable of experiencing pleasure and intimacy. It's about taking back those parts of ourselves that we've been told to hide and letting that fiery energy flow.

Wow, that's a really powerful idea. So, it's not about becoming an angry person, but about accepting and integrating those strong emotions as part of who we are.

Exactly. And this is where the power of female friendships comes in. Med talks about how important it is for women to have a tribe of women who can support each other. on this journey of emotional maturity.

Okay, let's talk about that because I think a lot of women struggle to find those truly supportive friendships,

especially in a culture that often pits women against each other.

It's definitely a challenge, especially when you consider that some female friendships can actually hold us back from facing our own immaturity, you know.

Oh, I've totally been in those friendships. You end up comparing yourself, feeling insecure, and basically just going nowhere. So, how do we create those supportive friendships that actually help us grow?

Met suggests being really intentional about who you surround yourself with. She talks about creating spaces where you can be honest with each other, where there's compassion and accountability within those friendships.

So, it's not about always being nice or avoiding conflict. It's about being real with each other even when it's uncomfortable,

right? It's about offering tough love, but with empathy. It's about supporting each other's growth without judging or enabling unhealthy patterns.

So, it's about finding that sweet spot between vulnerability and accountability, being your authentic self, but also being challenged to grow.

Exactly. And this is where Met and Soon's work really comes in. They've actually created these workshops that are designed to help women navigate this whole emotional maturity thing.

Okay. Tell me more about these Magdalene Effects workshops.

They're basically immersive experiences where women come together in a safe and supportive environment to do this deep inner work. Met acts as a guide and facilitator offering teachings and practices based on her own experience and expertise.

And I understand soon is actively involved in these workshops as well. That's pretty unique for this kind of personal growth work, isn't it?

It is unusual and Met has even said it adds a really important dynamic. Soon's there as a kind of energetic anchor, holding space for the group and supporting Met's guidance. She describes it as having both masculine and feminine energies present, creating a more balanced and harmonious space.

I can see how that would be beneficial. It's not just women talking about women's issues, but incorporating a male perspective in a supportive way.

Exactly. And it can be especially healing for women who have felt invalidated or manipulated by men in the past. Soon embodies a healthy masculine presence. You know, he offers grounded awareness and non-judgmental witnessing.

So, he's not there to fix things or mansplain, but just to be present and supportive,

right? And he also shares insights and observations from a male perspective, which adds another layer of understanding to the group's work.

I love that. It's a truly collaborative and integrative approach, and it sounds like they incorporate energy work into the workshops as well.

Yes, they guide women through all kinds of practices like guided meditations, visualizations, and energy healing techniques. It's a holistic approach that addresses the mind, body, and spirit.

So, it's not just talking about your feelings, but actually working with the energy of those emotions, shifting and transforming them on a deeper level.

Exactly. They use all these different techniques to help women release stuck patterns, reclaim their power, and really embody their full potential.

Wow. Wow, it sounds incredibly powerful. Do they offer workshops for men as well?

They do. Metate has even joked about how it's been harder to get men on board, but they've created workshops specifically for men who are ready to do this kind of deep inner work.

I can imagine some men might resist this idea. You know, they've been taught that emotions are a sign of weakness.

Oh, absolutely. But Meta and Soon believe that men can benefit just as much as women from this kind of emotional exploration. They even have a whole section on their website called the masculine journey with resources and guidance for men who want to develop greater self-awareness and emotional maturity.

That's fantastic. I love that they're not just focusing on women, but recognizing that men need support on this journey, too.

It's about breaking free from those old gender stereotypes and creating a new model for healthy masculinity, one that sees vulnerability and emotional intelligence as strengths.

Okay, so let's get practical here.

Yeah.

What are some key takeaways from Mete and Soon's work that our listeners can start using in their own lives, even if they're not doing a workshop.

Well, the first step is self-awareness. It's about noticing those moments when you feel triggered or when you're projecting your own stuff onto other people.

So, like catching yourself in those moments of reaction and asking, "What's really going on here?"

Exactly. And being curious about your own emotional patterns? Like, why do certain things trigger you? What are the beliefs or fears behind those reactions?

And what about those times when we feel completely overwhelmed by emotions, like we're drowning in them? What can we do to manage those really intense feelings.

Bete talks about the importance of building self-regulation skills. This means learning to observe your thoughts and emotions without judging them, figuring out your triggers and developing healthy ways to cope with stress and difficult emotions.

So, it's about becoming the boss of your inner world instead of letting your emotions control you. But how do we actually learn to do that?

There are a lot of different techniques that can be helpful. Med credits her own meditation practice with helping her to become more self-aware. and better at regulating her emotions. She suggests that even a few minutes of meditation each day can make a big difference in how you handle stress and difficult situations.

So, it's about creating that space between what happens and how you react. Learning to pause before you respond.

Exactly. And there are other things that can help too. Med talks about how important physical movement is for regulating our emotions. Things like exercise, dance, yoga, anything that helps you move your body and release that pent up energy.

I bet even something simple like spending time in nature or listening to calming music could help too.

Absolutely. It's all about finding what works for you and creating a self-care toolkit that you can use when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Okay, so we've talked about self-awareness and self-regulation. What about the role of a partner in this whole emotional maturity journey?

Mate and soon believe that a partner can be a huge support, but it takes both people being committed to growth and communication.

So, it's about having a shared vision for the relationship and being willing to to help each other evolve,

right? And being honest with each other about your needs and expectations, like if you're feeling triggered, can you tell your partner without blaming or attacking?

That's a tough one, especially when you're in the middle of it. It's so easy to fall back into those old patterns of blame and reactivity.

It definitely takes practice, but you can learn new ways of communicating. It's also important to remember that your partner isn't responsible for fixing your emotions or making you happy.

So, we shouldn't expect our partner to be our therapist or our rescuer.

Exactly. Exactly. You're responsible for your own emotional well-being, but a supportive partner can make it easier to process your emotions and work through those tough times.

So, it's about finding that balance between taking responsibility for yourself and letting your partner support you.

Exactly. And it's about understanding that relationships are a journey, not a destination. We're all constantly growing and changing. And a healthy relationship allows for that growth to happen both individually and as a couple.

And sometimes that growth might lead to realizing that the relationship just isn't working anymore. Even though there's love there, Mate and Sunn say that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let go.

It's a hard truth, but it's important to remember that we're all on our own unique paths. And sometimes those paths lead in different directions, even if there's love.

So, it's about having the courage to be true to yourself, even if it means making tough choices.

Exactly. And it's about realizing that ending a relationship doesn't have to be a failure. It can be a chance to grow and learn for both people.

There's so much wisdom in that. perspective shift. Now, before we move on to the challenges and opportunities of navigating these emotional landscapes in long-term relationships, I'd love to hear what's resonating with you, dear listener.

What are your key takeaways from Met and Soon's work?

What insights or aha moments have come up for you?

Maybe you're noticing some of your own patterns of emotional immaturity or avoidance.

Or perhaps you're feeling inspired to explore your own emotions more deeply or to cultivate more self-awareness in your relationships.

We'd love to hear your thoughts. thoughts. Feel free to connect with us on the Magdalene Effect website or through social media.

And stick with us for part three where we'll dive deeper into the complexities of emotional maturity in long-term relationships.

We'll explore what happens when there's a big difference in emotional maturity between partners, the dynamics of power and control, the importance of setting clear boundaries, and the incredible potential of vulnerability and forgiveness.

Welcome back to the deep dive. We've been talking about Metameiriam and Sunn Sloth's work on emot maturity. And now we're going to tackle a tough one. What happens when there's a big difference in emotional maturity between partners?

Yeah. Metate and soon call this soul age asymmetry. It's not about saying one person is better or worse than the other. It's more about recognizing that they might be at different points in their personal growth.

Okay? So, it's not about pointing fingers or blaming anyone, but recognizing that you might not be on the same page emotionally. So, how does this soul age asymmetry actually show up in relation? ships.

Well, imagine trying to have a deep conversation about feelings, but your partner shuts down or gets defensive. Or maybe you're longing for a real connection, but they're more interested in superficial stuff. These mismatches can cause a lot of frustration and make it hard to communicate.

It's like trying to dance the tango when one person is walting. Someone's bound to get stepped on. Right.

Exactly. And it can create this dynamic where the more emotionally mature partner starts to feel like the responsible parent,

always having to manage or guide the other person.

So instead of feeling like equals, one person ends up feeling like the teacher or therapist. Not exactly a recipe for romance.

Definitely not. It can really drain the intimacy and connection. The partner who feels less mature might start feeling inadequate or ashamed, which leads to more defensiveness and withdrawal. And the more mature partner can get stuck in a savior complex, always trying to fix or rescue the other person.

Ah, the savior complex. It seems like a good thing, but I can see how it backfire and create a cycle of dependence. So if you find yourself in this dynamic, what can you do? Can you even bridge that gap?

Mate and soon say that clear and compassionate boundaries are super important in these situations. The more mature partner needs to protect their own energy and avoid getting pulled into the other person's emotional drama.

Makes sense. But boundaries are so tricky. It's easy to say set boundaries, but how do you actually do that without making the other person feel rejected or criticized?

It's about focusing on your own needs and limits. not trying to control what your partner does. So instead of saying you're being childish, you could say, "I need some time alone to sort out my feelings."

So you're owning your experience and being clear about what you need without blaming or judging the other person.

Exactly. And remember, setting a boundary once isn't enough. You have to be consistent. If you keep letting your boundaries get crossed, it sends the message that your needs aren't that important.

That's a good point. It's tempting to give in when someone pushes back,

right?

But in the and it defeats the whole purpose of setting boundaries.

And Met points out that setting boundaries can feel really uncomfortable, especially if you're used to putting everyone else's needs before your own. But she emphasizes that it's a way of showing love and respect for yourself.

So, it's not selfish to prioritize your own well-being, even if it means saying no to someone you love,

right? And it might even encourage your partner to look at their own patterns and think about their own emotional growth.

So, what about the partner who's less emotionally mature? What advice do Met and Soon have for them? them.

They encourage them to be open to feedback and to take responsibility for their actions. That means being willing to admit their shortcomings and making a real effort to learn and grow.

That's going to be hard to hear, especially if you're feeling judged or criticized by your partner.

It can be tough for sure, but remember, growth usually means getting out of our comfort zones. Instead of getting defensive, try to listen with an open heart and a willingness to learn.

And it's important to look for support outside the relationship, too. Therapy coaching, men's groups, these can all provide a safe space to explore these issues and learn new skills for managing your emotions.

Absolutely. Taking responsibility for your own growth is a huge act of self-love. And it's a gift to your partner.

So, even when there's a big difference in maturity, Mate and Soon believe that couples can still have happy relationships if both people are willing to put in the work. But what if even after trying your best, the relationship just isn't working?

Well, Madden Soon acknowledged that sometimes, even when love is there. Relationships get to a point where they're no longer good for either person. It's painful, but sometimes the kindest thing is to let go.

It's a powerful reminder that sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves and our partners is to honor our own truth and give each other space to follow our own paths.

Exactly. And ending a relationship doesn't have to mean failure. It can be an opportunity for growth and learning. And in the end, it can help both people find relationships that better fit their needs and values. That's such a helpful way to look at it.

So, what does all this mean for you, dear listener? If you're in a relationship where there's a big difference in emotional maturity, maybe this deep dive has given you some things to think about.

Are you willing to set boundaries and take care of yourself? Is your partner open to feedback and willing to work on themselves?

And if you're single and looking for a partner, think about what qualities are most important to you. Are you drawn to people who are emotionally available, self-aware, and committed to personal growth?

Remember, you get to choose who you let into your life. and what kind of relationships you create.

At the end of the day, Medansoon's work reminds us that we're all capable of building stronger and more fulfilling relationships, both with ourselves and with others.

It's about doing the inner work, showing up authentically and with compassion, and embracing the messy, beautiful journey of becoming our most empowered and loving selves.

And that wraps up our deep dive into Medhen Soon's work. We hope you found it helpful and inspiring. Remember, the path to emotional maturity is a lifelong journey, and there's always more to learn and discover. So, keep exploring these ideas, keep talking about them, and keep diving deep. We'll be back soon with another fascinating deep dive into the human experience. Until then, keep learning, keep growing, and keep connecting.